A Better Way
We’re halfway through January and many of us are already struggling to keep up with our New Year’s resolutions. We’re not alone: roughly 80% of people quit their resolutions by the end of January, according to statistics.
Feeling like a failure isn’t a good way to start the new year, so we asked Happier Living psychiatrist Mark Schlotterback for a healthier approach to making and keeping resolutions:
When it comes to New Year's resolutions, I first try to ask myself: “Is this a resolution I want to make, or is this a resolution I think I should want to make?” Sometimes, we might set personal goals we feel like we should be striving for, but aren't always aligned with what we truly want for ourselves. Whenever I personally do this, I usually end up feeling exhausted, frustrated, and defeated. I, therefore, find it helpful to first clarify what my values are before setting a goal for myself. If I set a goal based on what I think my values should be rather than what they actually are, I'm very unlikely to accomplish it.
If I determine that my goal is truly aligned with my own values - and is one I actually want to accomplish - I then try to take small, specific steps towards it. For instance, if my overarching goal is to climb a mountain, it will feel too overwhelming to think, “How much longer to the summit?" when I first start climbing. I'm probably going to turn back early, or not start up the mountain at all. Therefore, I try starting with a small, attainable goal I am confident I can accomplish. Once I've accomplished that, I can make adjustments accordingly as I work towards my desired destination.
I also try to have patience and grace with myself. Making changes can be hard. If I am feeling discouraged or down, I try to think of how I might speak to a loved one or close friend who is struggling with their New Year's resolutions, and then try to speak to myself in that same manner.
I try to remind myself that sometimes the biggest changes happen in the smallest of increments; and only after we've made many small steps up the mountain do we look back and realize how far we've come.
